Tuesday, November 6, 2012

A disappointment

President Harry S. Truman at the Missouri
State Fair with the State Champion mule team,
c. 1955. Caption credit: www.dailyyonder.com.Photo credit: University of Missouri
Dear friends,

I have a dreadful bit of news: I, Fenway Bartholomule, am being barred from the polls despite having reached the age of majority (18, last month, and thank you for the birthday wishes!) on the grounds of my non-human status. The speciesist policies of this so-called "democracy" are shameful and repellant.

FarmWife says that voting is best reserved for those with opposable thumbs, but that my cries of bias against the four-footed do in fact ring true. She herself is a supporter of animal rights, and has even renewed her once-lapsed pledge of veganism after falling more deeply in love than ever with the neighbor's dairy cow. Too many cattle live short, uncomfortable lives. FarmWife wants cattle in her life as friends, not food.

FarmWife says that not all animal-keeping is exploitative, and she is not tempted to give up riding, driving, or keeping domestic pets. I perform labor for which I am suited, as she does, and I take my wages in hay.

On that note, I'm holding up under light use and have been salvaged from my early retirement! I have been on a couple of satisfying little trail rides lately and can report that I performed nobly and with perfect soundness. This hock just needed a year off, after all.

Since I can't vote, will you do me a favor? Can you please go to the polls and vote for me? It's really important.

Fenway Bartholomule

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Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!