Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Great Chainsaw Curse

Here is photographic proof that FarmWife was not always subject to the Great Chainsaw Curse. Sometime between 30 years ago and now, however, FarmWife seems to have come under the dark cloud of some terrible voodoo. She cannot touch a chainsaw without it immediately and inexplicably succumbing to hours or days of utter non-functionality. She cannot start it, or feed it premixed fuel, or even carry it to the truck and set it on the tail gait. She certainly cannot saw with it. Her hapless husband has learned never to say, "FarmWife*, will you hand me my chainsaw?" If he does, he will surely be the unlucky recipient of a defunct tool. It won't start again, most times, for a full day or two. This has happened with more than one chainsaw and on more than five occasions.

FarmWife promises that she's not spitting in the fuel tank, shaking the saw like a maraca, turning it upside down and wearing it like a hat, or whispering threats against its little mechanical wife and children. She has no excuses for this fatal touch.

Can anyone think of a way to purge FarmWife of this power-tool juju? Can we take a moment to bray to the God Husqvarna for a reprieve from this oppression?


*he doesn't actually call her that.

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