Ten reasons to envy FarmWife

1) She knows exactly when her birthday is. This means she gets presents and cake on the exact same day each year, no matter what. As for me, I know I was born in Oct. 1994. At least I get my presents and cake within a couple weeks of my actual birthday, give or take. These days, I tend to celebrate on Oct. 23 (International Mole and Mule Day). 

2) She is the one who gets to ride on our trail rides. I am the one who gets to hike with a heavy parcel on my back. 

3) She has 24 hour access to the feed room, the hay bales, and the crisper drawer. 

4) She has two boots and two feet. I have two boots and four feet, which hardly seems fair. 

5) She gets to keep all my manure (she composts it, then puts it on her vegetables. This makes more vegetables, which I eat to make more poop). I don't get to keep any of it for more than a few days in a row, despite being a mule with excellent housekeeping skills. 

6) She lives with others of her species. I live with goats. 

7) She doesn't have to shed her itchy hairs twice every year. She just keeps the same ones all the time, with the exception of a dropped strand here or there. 

8) She fits in the car. It has upholstery, and a radio, and a little shelf where fruity bubblegum fits. I ride in a rusty trailer, standing up. 

9) Her bed has sheets, blankets, and fluffy pillows. My bed is made of sandy stuff. 

10) She can gaze upon me, Fenway Bartholomule. I, on the other hand, have to crane my neck all sorts of sideways to catch the slightest glimpse.