Sunday, February 6, 2011

Gift-giving advice for a mule-lover's valentine.

image from
This is a public service announcement.

Gentleman: Valentine's day is fast approaching. Remember that there is nothing as romantic as a great big rock! I advise you to purchase this rock by the truckload, crushed, screened to three-eighths inches (plus fines), delivered, and spread on the high-traffic areas of her paddocks and barnyard. If the budget permits, have it set in a gorgeous ring—20 by 40 meters at a minimum, or at least 100 by 150 feet for jumping or western events. When I say rock, I mean the greyish sort! Under no circumstances can a diamond substitute, unless it is intended to be pawned or resold for gravel-buying funds. 24 tons of rock is a lovely quantity for the modest farmlet, while the Valentine with a bigger equestrian operation will of course need to make an even larger display of his affection.

Precious metals are never a mistake. Snaffle bits, stirrup irons, heavy-duty hardware, and livestock panels are all excellent choices. Remember—bit choices are varied, and selection is a personal and important matter. Sometimes a gift certificate is the best way to go.

There's still nothing as romantic as a nice fur, and nothing as tragic as a dead animal. If you want to give something warm and luxurious, make sure it's still attached to its thriving original wearer! Nothing like a nice fur coat on a warm, nickering critter to make a girl feel cherished.

In other news, I hear this year's Bud commercial was a let down. Too many dudes, too few clydesdales! Ah, well . . . there's always Superbowl 2012 to look forward to.

Ears to you,
Fenway Bartholomule

1 comment:

  1. Aint that the truth!
    Sound advice as always Fenweay!


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