I've been stewing over things that don't need stewing over . . . wishing I had arena footing when I hardly have room for an arena, wishing I had a barn when the animals are perfectly content in their shed. I've been resenting my children (my children, who are wonderful girls and who've granted me the right to be a stay-at-home, part-time-self-employed farm wife of liesure!) and wishing, wishing, wishing. Wishing for forty acres in the scorching California desert. 60 acres in the frigid Montana wilderness. 200 acres in the chigger-infested wasteland of rural Arkansas.
All I really want is right here, and all I really need is a muleback ride.
It's amazing to me how irritable, discontent, and restless I can get for lack of a muleback ride. I've been riding once since Thanksgiving, the unfortunate result of a combination of short daylight, hectic schedules, inclement weather, and inadequate free time. The twice a week groove that I enjoyed during the spring, summer, and early autumn seems to have been lost, and the four rides per week that I had dreamed of have failed to materialize.
The good news? I know what ails me, and it won't take much to get my mojo back. I have a sound mule, a caring husband, a beautiful playground of rugged trails before me. I don't need a geographic cure, a therapist, or a lobotomy. I need a little tweak of the schedule, that's all. I need to ride, and ride regularly. Not daily, not hourly . . . just a couple of times per week. It shouldn't be that hard.
Happiness is not far out of reach.
M
Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteSeems to me that finding a responsible high school student to watch the kids for a couple of hours once a week wouldn't be that impossible to find...And maybe (if it was ME at 16 years old) bartering for time with your livestock would be a fair trade. I would have done ANYTHING to have access to a farm full of fuzzy animals to play with.
ReplyDeleteIf I go more than, say, 10 days without riding, my husband shoos me out the door to get some Dixie therapy. It sure sounds stupid but it's really important to ride. The world's a lot better framed by some equine ears.
ReplyDeleteHang in there Marnie, spring is coming! Mr Jones, I like you...
ReplyDeleteThanks guys! Yesterday's ride went a long way towards giving me my happy back . . . .
ReplyDeleteI have been living in a haze of post-partum depression and sleep deprivation for the last 18 months. My New Year's resolution was to start riding again - my goal was to ride at least once per month. I (and my husband!) have been committed to finding that time for me, and I've managed three rides already this month. I had forgotten just how relaxing and rejuvenating a nice walk through the fields can be!
ReplyDelete