Thursday, December 9, 2010

Dear Fenway

"Dear Fenway, 
Hi, it's me again, David 4D.  Thanks so much for your reply/advice on the mane issue.   I hear you might like to answer more questions.  Well, I do have comes up at this time of year, and is a point of discussion between me and my dearest friend, Blanche, who is a guinea.   You see, I tend to get a bit brayful about who is the Most Important Animal in The Nativity.   I mean, everyone knows....right?????  Well Blanche has it in her mind that there were guineas there on that holy night.   There have to have been, she argues, guineas and donkeys are best friends, always have been.   She says there was at least one guinea there, a whiteguinea, to be exact, and people saw the white wings and thought it was an angel.  From far away, mind you.    Among the real angels, who would notice a rather short one, anyway, if she held her wings just so?   And this guinea gave white down to make a soft warm lining upon the hay in that famous manger.   And so we have it, the question, could it be true?  Her kind does have a long history.  She says there are even drawings of guineas on the walls of the pyramids, but that's another story.  Anyway, everyone KNOWS about The Holy Donkey, but no one ever mentioned any poultry, did they??   (I won't tell her if the answer is no, I just wondered.)
Ears to you!
David 4D
Iantha, MO
PS Applelady says to mention that 3 of her facebook friends became your fans after reading your reply to me."

Dear Mr. 4D, 

Thank you kindly for this latest inquiry, and for your involvement in the astronomical growth of my fan club. Ears to you! 

As to this fowl question of yours, I believe it has merit. While I have little personal experience with guineafowl, I must confess to having been mistaken for a peahen more than once! Have you heard one bray? It is sort of a "GgggeeeeeyaaaaaaaawwwkkkkEEEEEEEEEEEE!" sound, with undertones of alarm and agony. Compared to the bray of a mule, which is more of a "HeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasssssssssssssAAAAAAAAAA!" sound, it is positively wretched. The voice of the peafowl brings to mind murder, torture, and suffering, whilst the voice of a mule reminds one of nothing so much as a choir of heavenly angels. 

With this guineafowl question, however, I think you have stumbled onto something big. Here, as exhibit A, I present your photo of your pet guinea. Exhibit B? A photo of Marlin, the mule ambassador of Save Your Ass Rescue.  What reason, I ask you, could Marlin possibly have for styling his head and neck in this denuded fashion except to pay tribute to a significant historical figure? It must be that Marlin inherited some primordial understanding from his father, and his father's father before him, of the role of a bareheaded bird in the welcoming of one young Prince. It must be, in fact, that Marlin wishes to share the glorious role of Nativity Leader with these birds, and found, in his wordless existence, one way of conveying this message. 

David, I cannot discredit your theory and I dare say I even tentatively support it. Even if the donkey WAS the central character in the nativity, it cannot be denied that poultry played a role: after all, any parasites within the Holy Stable would have been taken care of in short order by a guinea! Is it not written that manure doth happen? I know MY manure would be a messier sight if not for the sorting, picking, and rearrangement provided by my flock of chickens. 

May all your brays be answered this holiday season.

Ears to you,

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