I'd like to place an order, please

Image from www.caffeinatedthoughts.com

It's 20 degrees outside and FarmWife has just delivered the first two of our six daily water buckets. They arrive at regular intervals—clean, tepid, liquid water for our refreshment and our health.

What part of "half-caff, no foam, double tall soy caramel latte" did she not understand? I have been waiting for some alternative to this water from the bathtub spigot for some time now, and except for the occasional splash of apple cider vinegar (for the health of the goats, and for acidifying the reproductive tract in hopes of baby girl goatlings) I've been disappointed.

When the warm house water arrives, Missy drinks first. We all like to see Missy hydrated, and she does not disappoint. She is a quaffer, not a sipper. FarmWife loves that about her.

I am a good drinker, and do my duty. FarmWife tells me that adequate hydration is essential to good gut function, and then Jasper Jules always throws in that I obviously have a very robust gut, thank you. I have tried telling FarmWife that herbivores require constant digestive activity in order to stay alive in temperatures like these, to which she replies that constant eating would make me die of explosion. I get a half a flake extra when temperatures drop below freezing—no more, no less.

Jasper Jules and his sister Mon Petit do not condescend to drink from FarmWife's two blue buckets—at least not in her presence. They would have her worry that they will die of dehydration in this cold weather, but I know that they just like to have a sip when she's departed. They are sneaky like that, with their little head games.

As for me, I hope you're all staying warm, refreshed, and surrounded by delicious beverages in this windup to the holiday season. Have a caramel latte for me, will you? It doesn't look like I'll be getting one myself anytime soon.

Frosty ears to you,

FenBar