Friday, April 30, 2010

Destination: Sand Wallow

I, Fenway Bartholomule, have three priorities when selecting a vacation destination. In no particular order, they are: 1. Wallowing texture, 2., Wallowing resilience, and 3., Wallowing accessibility. There is no more compelling reason to leave home than the burning desire for a nice roll in the sand. Someday, FarmWife will build a nice sand arena. She can use it to jog about in imitation of a dressage mount whilst I use it for rolling. Perfect.
In the meantime, here are a few destinations that have met with my consideration:
Iceland. On the one hoof, as an island nation it is
sure to have beaches. On the other, it also has wretched dining opportunities and tremendously dangerous volcanos. My impression about the
diminuitive Icelandic Horse is that he would look less like a pony if it were not for his ancestral diet of
dried herring and seaweed.

2. Australia. Firstly, it is a nation of dingos and convicts. That said, I am generally good at getting along with people from all walks of life,
and it is also home to Thowra, the Silver Brumby stallion with mucho muleness. If you are a
human child between the ages of 8 and 13, your education is not complete unless you know
exactly what I am talking about, and I am not talking about the Russell Crowe movie.
Rollable beaches? Check. Delicious foliage? Check. Fluffy little animals that smell like air fresheners? Check. A definite possibility.

3. New Zealand. Home to the flightless kiwi, Clifton Eventers, and Middle Earth. I have always
dreamed of galloping through Rohan with a Shadowfax and his kin. Do the Rohirrim have a proper appreciation for mules?

4. New Hampshire. The beaches are cold and stony, the grasses obscured by a carpet of rotting foliage, and the growing season short, but New Hampshire is home to some of the nicest humans that side of the Mississippi. My humans go there regularly, and it is only a matter of time before I get an invitation to accompany them.

5. Hawai'i. Downsides? The smoke monster, the Others, and the Hostiles, plus dangerous levels of electromagnetic energy. Upsides? No
passport required, the beaches are to die for, and there's actually a reasonable amount of tasty hay in this wee island state. Better yet? We have people there. We will stay with our friend Mayumi the Graduate Student. If she has managed to find accommodations for Taco the Boston Terrier, surely she can squeeze in a 14 hand mule.

There are many more destinations worthy of my mulish consideration, but when it comes down to it there's this: I'm still waiting on that private jet. Perhaps I should look into Dune City, Oregon . . . I hear the rolling is lovely this time of year.

Your friend,


  1. I vote for New Hampshire! I live 2 hours away and the trails are BEAUTIFUL! And not all the beaches are stony! Some are very nice and sandy and I think if I was a mule I'd like them for rolling!

    I love the blog by the way!

  2. you have to watch out for those island nations and states

    they have rules about animals that require many pokes with needles

  3. I Also vote for NH! If you do make it some day, make sure to come say hi to us in Vermont ;) You'll have your choice of stall, acres to frolic and lovely dirt roads to walk. I'm sure your dear FarmWife already knows that fall is the best time for a visit!

    Love the blog. I even have my husband hooked on it :)

  4. it certainly would be a treat to have you in new zealand fenway!

  5. Thank you all for the welcome! Is there a mule ferry to New Zealand, perchance? If so, I will certainly consider it. As for NH, well, it is only a matter of time.


Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!