Tuesday, February 23, 2010


There has been some dispute as to whether this giant caterpillar, as posted on facebook last week, is actually a llama/caterpillar hybrid (scientific name llamapillarama glamaarctiidae). In researching the veracity of this claim, I observed photographic evidence of the wooly bear caterpillar/llama resemblance. I was unable to determine the true nature of the pictured specimen, but I did come to one rock-solid conclusion: llamas are silly, silly things.

Llamas combine the duel wizardry of fabulous ear length and blazing hot fashion sense. Not only are they good at choosing stylish accessories for every season, but they can be used to MAKE stylish accessories for winter and fall. My grasp of textile production is weak, but my understanding is that they produce threads instead of fur.

Llamas, like mules and caterpillars, eat vegetative matter. For this purpose, they have developed strong, masticating molars as well as strangely proturbant incisors. I think this may be a special evolutionary defense against difficult-to-remove pop-tart wrappers.
When llamas and their kin are not busy crossbreeding with insects, opening foil snack packets, and producing fiber for sassy knitwear, they enjoy styling their hair in the fashion of Foxxy Cleopatra.

Llamas are just one of several Seussian beasts in the camelid family, and are often confused with their smaller cousin, the alpacapoodle (not to be confused with the labradoodle, and much less likely to ruin your upholstery). 
I hope, dear readers, that you have the opportunity to meet a llama yourself in the not to distant future. Please report back. Are they real? Do they exist, or are they a product of the human imagination, to be shelved alongside the seven-hump-wump and the honorable push-me pull-you? Please post your opinion on this pressing matter in the comments form, or share photographic evidence of the elusive Llama on my facebook fan page.

Your own camelid fancier,
Fenway Bartholomule


  1. I, too, have seen the strange creatures known as the llama. I have seen them on only a few occasions, and no one will believe be about their existence.

    My first experience with the legendary llama occurred during a routine trail ride on a Moon, a Percheron of great size but little sense. I allowed her to get some water from one of those fancy black plastic shells with contains mostly algae and the occasional goldfish. Suddenly, I saw a ghost like object behind me. A llama was grazing quietly. I made no suddenly movements, but the llama ran back into the forest...Err, barn. And that is the last I saw of the strange creature.

    No one believed by account. You believe me, right, Fenway? I know it is a strange encounter, but I swear to you I saw them! I did!

  2. I too have seen the creature though my encounter was not so pleasant. The legendary llama looked at me curiously from its enclosure luring me closer to the fence with deep dark eyes. When I stopped a few feet from the fence, the llama spit in my face.

    Despite this event, one of my favorite children’s books is “Is Your Mama a Llama”. You should encourage your human to read it to the larval humans.

  3. "Is your mama a llama?" you asked your friend Fen.

    "Oh, no, Red, she isn't," Fen spoke out, and then,
    "My mama had small ears, and hooves on all fours."

    "I know," you told Fenway, "your mama's a horse!"

  4. Longears, how is it that there are so many Percherons in this world who happen to be of great size but little sense? This is irreconcilable with the fact that John Henry, of mulish fame, is half Percheron himself. But back to the subject: Yes, I believe you. Stranger things have happened.


Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!