Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Incredible Wonderment of Everything

This is one of those gorgeous days that just makes a mule happy to be alive. The sun is shining, the birds are singing, the Volvo is disgorging hay at a steady pace, and there is nothing in the known world that is not right. The known world extends approximately as far as I can smell, which on a breezy day can stretch as far as the Jersey herd on Wickersham Street.

This is not a day to be spent in boredom. On a morning like this, every simple action is rewarding. The succulent divinity of my hay makes my tastebuds sing; the exfoliating abrasion of the grains of sand under my back make rolling almost addictively pleasurable. I will roll again.

If, however, you are human, you might be of the dangerous state of mind that there is no day too good for boredom. SNAP OUT OF IT! The world is full of wonderful things.

Baby Animals
Trail Rides
Falling in Love (ah, Katie Scarlett  . . . )
Nature (except large predators, and sticks which cast long shadows)
Surmounting Precipitous Slopes
Postmodern Literature
Brahms' Double Concerto in D minor
Pop Tarts
3/8" Minus Gravel plus Fines
Goat Lips
Orchard Grass Hay
Black Oil Sunflower Seeds
Beatiful Fences
Freddie Mercury's Falsetto

If there is not something on this list that makes your heart sing and your spirit soar, then you, my friend, are not 100% similar to me and FarmWife. That is OK, because this great marvel that we call the universe contains wonders to amaze all kinds. Perhaps you prefer singing the "black socks" song, or looking at the ladies of WTF.

If you're still bored, try this:

Volunteer for a charity. Perhaps you can find a local horse, mule, or donkey rescue, or a handicapped riding program that needs your valuable assistance.

Bake Pop Tarts for a local mule in need. (But please, do discuss this with his human in advance. Some humans can be so controlling.)

Make up your own lyrics to any of several wonderfully singable tunes. I recommend "If I Only Had a Brain" from the Wizard of Oz, or Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. "I see a little sillhouetto of a goat, Jasper Jules, Jasper Jules, watch him do the fandango. Thunder bolts are rumbling, hear my tummy grumbling for hay! Katie Scarlett! (Katie Scarlett) Katie Scarlett! (Katie Scarlett) Katie Scarlett likes hay tooooooooooo . . . ."

Plagiarize the romantic poets or bastardize your favorite Shakespeare soliloquy. There's a verse for every mood. As an example, here's Shakespeare on the barefoot transition: 

"To shoe, or not to shoe: that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler for the horse to suffer the stones and pebbles of outrageous pathways, or to wear boots despite their many troubles, and by persisting end them? To bruise, to limp; No more, and without limp to say we end the footache and the thousand ouchy steps that hooves are heir to. 'Tis a hoof condition devoutly to be wished. To boot, to try. To try, perchance to fail. Ay, there's the rub: for with that boot with gaiter what rubs may come when we have shuffled off the forged shoe must give us pause. There's the ease that makes simplicity of such long rides; for who would bear the rubs and breakage of the boots, the wasted time, the proud horse injured, the pangs of dislodged gaiters, the ride's delay, the many dollars spent and the stones."

Still bored? Ride thy mule. Come on, you know you want to. 

“The cure for anything is salt watersweattears, or the sweat of a mule”. Isak Dinesen


Fenway Bartholomule


  1. Hi Fenway,
    I am new fan, reading about your blog on the Fugly Blog. My human has a mule too, but I am a little miniature mule. My name is Laila, you know like that song, Laila, you got me on my knees Laila. Weird, my human is always signing that when she is around me. I may be small but I am mighty. I have friends that keep me company, 3 miniature horses, and a nice Morgan Mare, who I can stand under when one of the miniatures gets fiesty. But the miniature named Tony the Pony is my bestest friend ever.
    They also have a really big horse, named Tank, who is a Belgian/Morgan cross. But they keep him by himself. I don't know why, I think I could take him on! But actually he is a big sweety, he really liked my Mom before she left.
    Nice to meet you!

  2. I, Fenway Bartholomule, am begging, darling, please, Laila . . . Laila, won't you ease my worried mind? Please assure me that you will keeping coming back, and that you will proudly carry the Muleness forth. Thanks for stopping in!

  3. Let's make the best of the situation
    before I go insane.
    Please don't tell me we'll never find a way to remain true to our muleness!
    I am never bored, it takes a lot to keep my herd in check! Not to mention my radar ears I hear everything, even the dog knows when I am zeroing in on him. Not much gets past me! I LOVE bein a mule even a little one.

  4. I wandered lonely as a dog
    Who hovers low o'er empty dish
    When all at once, out of a fog
    Unguarded plate of tunafish!
    Beside the chair, next to Dad's soda,
    A fluttering and dancing odor.

    Continuous as the stars that shine,
    And twinkle in the Milky-Way,
    It stretched in never-ending line
    And then I ate it! Num num, yay!

    Oft, when on my couch I lie
    In vacant or in pensive mood,
    A flash upon my inward eye
    Inspires a dogged search for food.

    And then my heart with pleasure fills,
    Yummy! Tunafish!

    And the daffodils are kinda pretty, too.

  5. Love it Fenway, pleased to meet you. I'm Shady Sadie, one of Western Washington's finest appy mules (I know, I know). My human is a certified barefoot hoofcare provider and she knows quite a lot about mule hooves. I've been very pleased by the treatment I've recieved from her - she even found boots to fit in case I need them (ha - never underestimate our hooves, eh?). If your beloved FarmWife ever needs any help, you can gently advise her to go to . My human simply adored your lovely update to Shakespeare's famous words - I'm sure that's how he would have written it in the first place had he been lucky enough to know more about our ilk.

    Can't wait to see and read more, and I'll tell the other long-ears in the neighborhood to give their humans the nudge in your direction.

    Carry on, ears up, chest out, tail a'flicking


  6. Littledog, I think that poem was read at the funeral of FarmWife's beloved grandmother. Except they replaced the tuna fish bits with references to lindzertorte . . . but yes, I'm pretty sure that was the one. Well played!

  7. Shady Sadie, with apologies to my Valentine Katie Scarlett I have to confess that I love to see a beautiful spotted ass.

    I appreciate you stopping in. Even the most hard-hooved of us all can benefit from a little protection now and again, no? I myself wear a great pair of Easyboot Epics. My manly heel bulbs were thought to have presented a fitting challenge, but it turns out that I am comfy as pie in these boots with no modifications! My human would probably love to chat hoofies with your human, because it is a subject that fascinates her to no end. Her eyes practically roll back in her head with fascination at the words "toe callus," which you probably can't say of very many humans at all.

    Ears fore, and spread the muleness!


Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!