Sunday, February 14, 2010

Bartholomule's Rhapsody

(Brayed to the tune of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody.)

Dedicated to my darling Valentine.

With love,
From Fenway

Sweet Katie Scarlett,
My darling Valentine, 
Each Facebook wall post 
goes straight from your heart to mine.
Open my eyes, look up to the skies and bray . . . . 
I'm just a lone mule, two goats for company,
my fame is easy come, easy go,
with these hooves, typing's slow,
Look at how the wind blows, carrying my kisses to thee, Katie. 

Katie—you lovely mule—
Oh I know we met online, but my darling, you're so fine.
Katie, now that you're my girl, there is no name in the world I'd rather bray. 
Katie . . . . Scarlett . . . I'm not gonna lie, 
I sometimes wish we lived a little closer, 
in a barn, side by side, 
'cause our love really matters . . . 

Good hay, my lunch has come, 
I'd share a flake sometime if our stalls were side by side,
My love, Katie Scarlett, you ought to know,
there nothing that I would not do for you.
Katie, oooh, you are oh so cute, 
I sometimes wish your photo hung in my stall.

(Bray solo)

I see a little silhouetto of a goat, 
Jasper Jules! Jasper Jules! Watch him do the fandango.
Thunderbolts are rumbling,
hear my tummy grumbling for hay!
(Katie Scarlett) Katie Scarlett! (Katie Scarlett) Katie Scarlett! Katie Scarlett likes hay too!
So do the go-o-o-oats . . .  

I'm such a glad mule, Miss Scarlett loves me, 
You're such a good mule, from a good family,
I'll spend my life blowing kisses to thee . . . .  

To New York, let us go, 
FarmWife, let me go . . .
I will not, no! We will not let you go. 
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let him go!) Bismillah! We will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go
(Let me go) Will not let you go (Let me go) Ah
No, no, no, no, no, no, no
(FarmWife, let me! FarmWife, let me!) Please, oh, FarmWife, let me go!
I hear Jet Blue has a ticket put aside for me, for me, for me . . . 

So, dear Kate, do you think that our sweet love will thrive?
Do you think that our Facebook affair can survive?
Oh, Katie, I am sure of it, Katie,
Just gotta go bray, just gotta go bray to the world. 

Online dating matters, Anyone can see,
Online dating matters,
Online dating matters to me!

Katie Scarlett sure knows . . . . 


  1. Too funny! I can see the attraction, she really is a lovely mule.
    Karen W.

  2. Oh.My.Goodness!

    That is hysterical. I darned near fell off my chair.

    Now Sadie insists I write her a ballad... see what you started, Fenway?

    I said, "Sadie, just because Fenway (re)wrote a song for Katie doesn't mean that I can do that for you. You know I love you. You can't have everything the other mules have, you know. What if all the mules were jumping off a cliff, would you jump, too?"

    And Sadie said "Don't be an idiot - mules don't jump off cliffs. Now go on, write a song!"

    She's a slave driver, my Sadie. Clearly I'm going to have to rethink my use of allegory. Probably similes and metaphors, too. Damn mule...

  3. It is so romantic, I cried!

    Bray on!


Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!