Thursday, January 28, 2010

Roach Clips (No, not that kind . . .)

Hello Fenway, my name is Doc and I’m an 8 year old john mule.  I recently selected a human named Gerry to be my caretaker and all around man servant. Gerry hasn’t required much retraining and I think I’ll keep him. However, Gerry, a male human btw, has been talking about a “roach clip” lately…and I don’t think he’s talking about something my mom’s human used to employ back in the day. (Mom was an Appy- that explains everything doesn’t it.) Anyway, I’m a little concerned about this roach clip talk as right now I have a mane of about 4-5 inches long. I will admit my coif isn’t very stylish, but I think it has a lovely wind blown, sexy look to it.  My human, is somewhat hair challenged and I’m concerned he wants to roach clip me so we look more alike- honestly what can he be thinking!  Anyway, I digress, what do you think of this roaching idea?  

Oh, I’m attaching a photo of myself, because I’m sure you’d like the opportunity to admire me, please ignore that my human managed to push his way into the photo as well.

Sincerely yours in all things mule,

Doc  in Delaware

Dear Doc in Delaware, 

I thank you for your question, and I appreciate your candid statements about your Appaloosa heritage and your unfortunate exposure to drug paraphernalia lingo. There is so much about our parents' generation that simply makes us shake our heads. 

Regarding hairstyles, Doc, all I can offer you is some photographic evidence of my own transformation. Here, view the before photos (taken during my first week at Bent Barrow Farm, before my first appointment with my stylist). Below that, I've shared some photos of human men wearing similar hairstyles; that is, thin but retaining some length.

For comparison, please scroll down for several images of me, Fenway Bartholomule, after getting a roach. I think you will agree that my topline is flattered by the trim look.

I conclude my argument (which by this point should have been revealed as pro-roach) with some images of human men sporting trim, close haircuts. I think you will agree that they compare favorably to the earlier examples. (That last fellow is particularly adorable and well-styled, I think . . . and look how he loves baby animals!)

Doc, you're a handsome mule in any case and I am sure that you good looks can only be enhanced by the addition of a snazzy roach job. Do consider sending us an after picture if you go ahead with the big trim, and remember . . . hair grows back.

Fenway Bartholomule

p.s. It almost goes without saying that women can look very ravishing with a little bit of length, and my guidelines (defined as "sparse hair must be shaved") do not apply to the females of the species'. A couple of examples as to why not are found below—notice that Winona Ryder, a human woman, and Katie Scarlett, my very own Valentine, make up in beauty what they lack in hair volume.

(photos, top to bottom: Fenway pre-roach, near side; Fenway pre-roach, off side; Human, pre-roach, top side; Human, pre-roach, off side; Fenway, post-roach, off side; Fenway, post-roach, near side; Heath Ledger, post-roach, image A; Heath Ledger, post-roach, image B; Denzel Washington, post-roach, image A; Denzel Washington, post-roach, image B; FarmHusband, post-roach, image A; FarmHusband, post-roach, image B; Winona Ryder, with short (but not roached) hair (cute on a girl, no?); Katie Scarlett, short (but not roached) mane, a mane which tangles it's many strands of silken beauty around my heart in an ever-tightening knot of adoration.)

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Thanks in Advance for Your Mulish Opinion!